Back Home (Again)

So from 1988-2002 I kept journals, paper and ink, the old kind, that covered most of my restless time roaming the earth, getting into various adventures, meeting freaks, oddballs and  other interesting characters, many of whom appear in one form or another in the stories I've written.

It was fun, and I've still got those journals, many of them falling apart, in a plastic strongbox. I transcribed most of them into a digital format, but a couple I haven't gotten round to yet, they are on my "rainy day list". And it's fun to go back and read some of it -- there's some cool stuff in there, though it does tend to get a bit repetitive at the end, which is one reason why I stopped keeping them. The other reason being is that since 2004 I've lived a very sedentary lifestyle, no surprise as that was the year my daughter was born, and especially since just before her 2nd birthday when the bombshell exploded and I realized I would have to raise her on my own, as the other half at the time decided they didn't want to.

So all hail the Single Dad! There's quite a few of us out there, and I wish we would get more recognition, but it is the best job in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Those crazy, roaming years were great, but that time is gone. Maybe a few years from now when my nest empties out, if I'm fit and still have my wits about me, I'll take off in search of new adventures. But I've got a lot packed in my head, enough material for 3 dozen or so short stories and 3-4 novels before the well runs dry.

Which has brought me back to this website. I first started writing stories as soon as I could write! At age 5. My first was about a boy who dreamt he travelled to Saturn. My second was about a boy who orders a robot cat do all his chores for him. It's something I've always done, mostly for fun. There was a brief period in my early 20s when I thought about being a WRITER with a capital W, but I was too restless to sit in a room everyday. So I wrote when I felt like it, when things came to me.

Sometimes there were breaks of many years. And much of that being that I was seduced by the Celluloid (now Digital) Goddess and spent 20 years on and off trying to break into the film biz and tell stories that way. Spent many years trying to raise many millions of dollars for various projects, and I had some fun, some small success, and met lots of great people, but all that time I always felt like an Impostor. Like I was trying to cram my foot in a shoe that was two sizes too small. So a couple of years ago when my last attempt blew up in my face and left me shattered in every way possible, I finally left that world for good. It has taken a while to set things right, but eventually it brought me back here. Back Home. To my roots. To just sitting in a quiet room with pen/paper or keyboard/monitor spinning out the worlds in my head. And it feels great. It feels natural. And it's fun.

So we'll see where it goes. I'm not too concerned. I'll write these stories best I can, shop them around, and if I get no buyers, I'll publish myself. The stigma of the vanity press has disappeared over these past years, so that it's not looked down upon as much as it was. But I don't write these for fame or money, though of course I want people to enjoy them. I write them because they are inside me and I WANT to. And again, because it's fun!

And finally, yes "Rush Leaming" is a pen name. It's an old family name, the name of a Great Uncle of mine, on my father's side, who lived in Mansfield, Louisiana and supposedly was a bit nuts. So I've always thought it was a good fit. I've used it since college, and using a pen name does provide a bit of anonymity which is fun as well, though in this digital age, it wouldn't be too hard to figure it out. But also especially raising a soon to be 11 year old girl, it helps that when I'm arranging playdates and sleepovers that the parents of the other kids don't get freaked out if they connect me to some of the dark and twisted things I write about. My poor kid would probably never get invited anywhere again! So at least for a few more years, hope to keep the mask drawn over my face.

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