Sin Cojones?

So I'm 48 years old. I'm a single Dad raising an 11year old girl. And in many ways, I've become a total wimp.

Almost everything scares me now. It didn't used to. Like most every middle aged human on earth, when I was young I was fearless, bold, dangerous, reckless. I would do anything at anytime without thinking, without blinking. I would body surf or dive or snorkle in any ocean. I would jump into African rivers with croccodiles and hippos. I've stared down Black Mambas and Spitting Cobras and survived seven, yes seven, bouts of malaria. I would try any drug, any kind of booze, go after any kind of woman, walk down any city street at anytime of day or night. Like most people when they are young, I thought I was invincible. Nothing could kill me. I didnt care about failure or death. It wasn't an option or concern.  If something didn't work out, just keep moving and try again. Next time would be golden.

Last week my daughter and I went on a week long vacation at Garden City Beach here in South Carolina. I've become increasingly suspicious of the ocean. I don't like it anymore. If there is a jellyfish within 100 miles, it will find me and sting me. The frightening recent rash of shark attacks up and down the east coast doesn't help matters either. And I don't want to hear you have more of a chance to be struck by lightning or have a vending machine topple over and crush you than get bitten by a shark. Bottom line is everytime you go into the water, they are there.

So I stayed knee deep and kept a very careful eye on the waves and the water surface when my daughter was in there playing with her friends. Luckily for us, we did see a family of dolphins playing in the water nearby, so that eased our anxiety a bit. But standing on the beach as I was doing, I figured out that this ever growing fear and caution that has taken hold of me comes  down to two things:

One, is I just simply feel that maybe my luck is soon to run out. That the Grim Reaper has been chasing after me and is closing in on his prey. That all these risky moves and close calls will dry up and it will be my time. So why tempt it?

Reason Two was the big revelation I had as I watched my daughter lying in the surf, looking for sand dollars and shells. It was her. My job, for at least the next 7-10 years is to be there for her and take care of her. Being a single Dad, I can't screw it up. I've  done an awesome job so far, if I do say so myself, so I have to make sure I stay safe and sound so she stays safe and sound.

Maybe a few years from now when she has succesfully started her own life, maybe then I'll drop acid and base jump into a pool of piranahs. But until then, I'll continue to take it easy and be a wimp.